Title: Willingly
Series: None
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: Parrish/Lorne
Rating: PG
Words: 860
Summary: I didn’t lose my mind, it was mine to give away - No Regrets, Robbie Williams
Note: Written for the parrish_lorne flash prompt fest week 2.



Evan Lorne, distinguished Major in the US Air Force, was giggling. He was giggling at everything and nothing because it was funny. Everything was funny, from the colour of the sky above to the smell of the dirt he was sitting on, from the feeling of wearing clothes to the sounds of his own giggling. But nothing was also funny, because giggling was good for you and to Evan there was no point in not giggling.

“Evan?”

His head lolled to the side and his gaze fell upon a tall plant-like man. A sunflower. He smiled, recognizing the man and feeling something well up inside him he couldn’t quite identify.

“David!” He patted the dirt beside him. “Why are you sad? Sit with me, I’ll make you happy again.”

There was something in David’s eyes that made Evan stop giggling and he reached out to him. David took his hand and sat down beside him, crossing his legs.

“Why’d you do it?” David asked, tracing the lines on his hands. Evan liked it, it felt familiar.

He also knew exactly what David was talking about. “They needed it.”

Evan knows certain things. He knows his name, his language, the names of his team members and he knows little things that will help him stay alive. He doesn’t know how he knows because one of the things he knows for sure is that he no longer has a mind.

------

David Parrish, Botanist, feels like the whole universe is coming down around him, like a black whole has opened up with him in the centre and is sucking everything up while he can do nothing about it, and among those feelings are two distinct emotions: anger and despair. Anger because this should never have happened, because he should have known the Calerians were just too friendly. Despair because Evan was no longer the same person and he had no idea if he would ever get him back.

He stormed into the Council Room and glared at the men responsible. “Give it back to him.”

“Doctor Parrish, you must understand -” Councilman Septimus began.

“I don’t care about what any of you have to say,” David cut in harshly. “You stole his mind, now give it back!”

“That’s not possible Doctor.”

“Why not?” David demanded.

“Major Lorne willingly gave his mind. A willing mind cannot be returned for not only is it against the system’s programming, the brain will not reintegrate,” Councilman Typhor offered David an apologetic look. “I am sorry.”

David had no reply for that. He simply left and went to find Evan. He had to know why.

----

“I’m sorry.”

David looked up from the Iochroma australis he was working on to see Evan, gazing at him with very sad eyes. If there was one thing that David knew about this new version of his friend, it was that Evan was rarely ever sad.

“For what?” David asked perplexed.

Evan shrugged, suddenly embarrassed over whatever it was he was apologizing for.

David waited. Evan was now one to mull things over before he spoke and whatever was making him hesitate he would eventually overcome. David always waited.

“Were we ever,” Evan made an aborted hand wave that could have mean anything, “you know...together?”

“No,” David replied heavily, looking away.

“Oh. Because sometimes I feel as if we might have been and then I realize I totally fucked that up. Why would I do that? I thought I was supposed to have been a really nice guy.”

------

Evan never touches his old stuff, the stuff that belonged to him but could no longer connect with. They were carefully packed away in a few boxes and remained labeled and stacked in a corner. He hopes that one day he’ll be able to remember something about his family, or remember how to really paint. He hopes that one day, for David’s sake, he can be more like how he used to be.

------
Every week David found a new gift on his work desk. A flower, chocolate, a carving bartered for off world, a beautiful trinket clearly made by the Athosians, candles. They were from Evan, always from Evan and while sometimes it made David sad, they always made him smile.

“I’m not a girl, you know,” he told Evan after a month.

Evan laughed. “I’m aware.”

“Flowers and chocolates?”

“You’re a Botanist, you like flowers,” Evan reasoned. “And everyone likes chocolate.”

After the third month, David found a letter instead of a gift. He followed the instructions and met with Evan out on the East Pier for dinner.

“I know I’m not him,” Evan explained as they drank, once the meal was finished, “not exactly. But I feel so strongly for you, I...God you have no idea what you do to me David.”

David thought that if it was anything like how Evan made him feel, even now, then he probably did.

“I just,” Evan took a deep breath. “I’d just like a chance, and maybe you’ll feel it too.”